Well that Escelated Quickly…

Or did it?

I thought about going back to four months ago… going back to tell you about the night my son randomly came to me to blurt out that he is, in fact, a she…

I would go back to those first initial feelings of complete and total shock and disbelief… I would…

See, I find myself staring blankly at the desk at work, wondering where I went wrong.. wondering what I did to make him feel like he had to clasp on to the most desperate situation he could.

I would go back to those feelings of desperation and hope that he was just trying to figure out the feelings that puberty brings to the teenage brain…

I would go back to those feelings, you see… but I am still there in a way.

Oh, he sees acceptance from me in how I buy him dresses and makeup, show him how to shave and support his hopes for a smooth transition.

But its a mask I wear to protect my own heart.

I will get better at hiding, I AM better at hiding my feelings and disappointment… but I am still lying to myself and to Owen.

How does a parent possibly muster up the strength to love and support their child when the parent’s heart is shattered.

That’s not a question really… because the answer is in the next beat of my heart… you just do.  You just do… You just love that child no matter what path they choose… and that is all you can do.

 

 

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