Let Him Be…

The distance we have mentally traveled in the past 12 months has far exceeded the actual physical mileage of our road trip.

We, as a team, have come so far in our understanding of this complex life we are navigating.  Owen has come to terms with the fact that he does indeed have Aspergers and Sensory Perception Disorder and DDMD. He no longer fights the diagnosis, or the label. He is getting used to the idea that he is different, but in a good way.

I have reached above and beyond for answers, help, support groups and understanding. I have come to the conclusion, that the most help I will ever receive will be from the Aspergers community I have met online, and from my very own family.

To just “let him be whoever he is” is pretty much my new and forever motto.

We have come so far in our understanding of each other. Our communication is not the normal communication of an 11 year old and his mother. It is that of a very intelligent, adult male, and his dear, cherished fan and friend.

I realize this is not an idea that will be accepted by 90% of my friends and family, and I acknowledge how strange it may sound to people that do not live our situation and are a part of our daily lives. And I’m not asking anyone to understand.  I am just stating how life is in our home.

He still has rules, a schedule, a mother. However, it is different in many other ways.

He is adjusting well to his new medication. It has helped him to be able to regulate his moods and his anger.

I no longer feel fear when he becomes angry.

We are back on a Home school schedule, although my teaching style has been changed a little to fit with his new maturity and choice of subjects, and we are in the process of writing our own curriculum for homeschooling in Political Science and Humanities. He is my co-author on several projects, only to probably surpass me before I ever become a published author myself.

He is a beautiful, intelligent young man. I am so proud to be a part of all the great things he will do within his lifetime.

Home

We have been home a total of 3 full days and four nights now. I feel I can safely update to a minimal point, anyways.

So the entire reason for going was to help Owen regulate his moods.  To help him be sad without being suicidal,  and to help him be angry without being violent.

This goal, I truly feel, was accomplished.

However, I am a little disappointed with the treatment of Owen regarding his Aspergers and autism.

I feel maybe the hospital did not know as much about Autism as they claim to on their website. But, I suppose that’s where my education and all the research I have done, will come into play.

As for Owens behavior since we have come home, he seems better balanced, able to think before reacting, and just has a general happier outlook. Mission accomplished.

They did diagnosed him with DDAD, sensory perception disorder, and depression, so with those things diagnosed we are willing to follow up in Amarillo with therapy and psychiatrist .

But, I’m not sure how much further we are willing to go to investigate the autism and Aspergers, because we are so tired of being intruded upon by people that don’t know and don’t understand. At least for now anyways.

I am in no way trying to claim to know everything there is to know about Aspergers, but I am tired of people not understanding the complexity of this illness and how different each and every child is on this spectrum.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m just tired!

So, I’m going to hole up in my little cave once again, research, study, and just be the best mom I possibly can be from my boy.

Now that we have many of the behavioral issues taken care of and medication on board, I feel now is the time to focus a little more on Owens overall well-being. We will be continuing on to the doctor for his physical problems, i.e. his heart defect, and his possible sinus mass/impaction and poor bloodwork results.

I  appreciate each and everyone of you! Y’all really helped me pull through those difficult nine days. I know many of you don’t understand and many of you can’t fathom what we have been through… but I also know many of you have gone through much worse with your own child or children and I appreciate your words of wisdom, your prayers, your insightful emails, and just your general friendship.

Even though I claimed extreme loneliness and the feeling of being abandoned during those nine days. I actually learned a lot about myself and I was actually forced to care for myself in a way that I have not been able to since Owens birth. I met new friends. I discovered some things about myself that have maybe changed my outlook and understanding. I  encouraged and helped a few people along the way, myself!  One girl, my waitress, I helped show how to find a job in the nursing field while going to RN school. The other,  how to continue with their dreams because they have no one else to encourage them.

I  was told over and over that I’m a good person. I was told by many that my children were lucky to have me. I grew as a human being, not just as a mother.

And for that experience I am thankful.

Because now, more than ever,  I actually feel I have purpose on this earth and that purpose is to be my children’s  voice, advocate, and guiding light.

I love you all!

I will update soon 🙂