Admitted

Day 1-2

He has been there 14 hours now.

I must admit. I have not really cried yet. My eyes have leaked off and on and my stomach stays in knots… But I have not openly cried like I thought I would.

I keep waiting to wake up from this nightmare. But I guess that means it’s real.

Its funny, the panic I felt at leaving him, is the same panic that has kept me waffling back and forth between the thoughts: “does he really need help? Or is it just the Autism”.

But after his confession of having been contemplating suicide… I realize I need to be able to leave him for 7+ days or he could leave me forever.

So, I sit. I read. I color and I star off into space. I don’t have the emotional or mental strength to “visit” or think about much else. So I am holed up in my comfy spot… My head, and waiting it out.

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2 Comments

  1. Parenting is definitely not for the weak hearted. You have done the right thing. Be loving with yourself just as much as you are living with Owen that way you’ll both come back stronger. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, but I really admire your strength.

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